I broke my own promise, a vulnerable, personal story about weight loss
This picture is me, December 2015, the morning of my gastric sleeve surgery. I weight a whopping 350 lbs in this picture. It may be hard to see because I tend to carry weight well and I am 5’9″. But trust me, the weight was there.
While my husband took this picture, I promised myself he would never see another picture of me looking like this again. I swore I would never let it come this far anymore and made a commitment to myself to lose weight and be healthier. I figured after surgery that would be a walk in the park, and boy was I wrong.
I have a solid body frame and have physically always been fairly thick and strong. Genetically, I’m predisposed to gain weight easily. I have seen my mother struggle with her weight all of her life, and I am going to the same struggle. Every. Single. Day.
Having congenital spinal stenosis and arthritis in my lower back doesn’t help. Walking is a struggle for me, and I am glad when I can make it to the car on the driveway and back without pain. Naturally, I thought that losing weight would relieve my back pain so I was very excited to get gastric sleeve surgery and start losing weight.
The surgery was a success, and within 8 months I lost almost 100 lbs. And then, I lost track of myself. Completely. Surgery didn’t take away the fact that I am an emotional eater. I stopped being careful about what I ate and slowly but surely, the weight started creeping back in.
To make a long story short, I gained almost half of the weight I lost back. I went from a size 24/26, down to a size 14 and now I am back up to a size 18. The thing that hits me the most is that I so easily fell into the trap of old habits again, that I did not even realize what I was doing to myself.
And then it happened…
I kept one pair of pants in a size 24 as a reminder, to never fit in them anymore. At my lightest, after the surgery, I put those pants on over my size 14 jeans and they fell immediately to the ground. Way too big. But I kept them to stay motivated.
And then recently the day came that all the new jeans I bought no longer fit me. I had resorted to yoga pants because jeans tend to hurt cutting into loose skin. I had somewhere to go and I needed a pair of jeans. nothing fit. I couldn’t even get one over my legs anymore, let alone over my butt. The one pair (size 16) I could get into was so insanely tight I could barely breathe.
And then I saw it. My size 22 jeans on a shelf. I hesitantly took it off the shelf and put them on. Nothing happened. The jeans didn’t fall down. And with a face red of shame and eyes full of tears, I saw myself in the full-length mirror with a size 22 that hung on my hips and that potentially could be worn with a belt.
I got mad, mad at myself that I broke my promise to myself. I promised to never let it come that far again, and yet, here I stood with my size 22 jeans on that didn’t fall down. I was well on my way to let it come that far again.
That was clearly the wake-up call I needed. I now am making a very conscious effort to eat healthier, drink a lot of juice, using my essential oils and supplements to help me on my journey back to better health. If you follow my Instagram stories you will see me documenting this journey of self-care and self-love.
I cannot even begin to tell you how essential oils are helping me stay on track. Not only do they help with my physical health but also with my emotional health. Emotional eating is a problem so many people struggle with and it is usually a result of trauma in life and/or depression. Essential oils have been, and are my saving grace in this journey and I can’t wait to share more of it with you!
Make sure you are signed up for my newsletter to get all the good stuff in your mailbox!Yes! I want access to your FREE Essential Oil Resource Library!